I Chose You

By Leighton Tanaka, TIWP Student

Blue smoke drifts through the air, pointing me towards the source of our ruin. Turning the crimson sky into an ocean, and just like the ocean I know that it will kill me. I stand at the end of a bridge, the industrial wreck of an alliance we had been fools to believe was friendship. I stand at the end of a bridge on fire, light bulbs burst, hearts cracked. I stand at one end of the bridge, and you on another.

I can only hear the screams of your betrayal, I wonder where they come from, because all I see of you is a broken man, too broken to speak again. The Atlantic Ocean crashes against the only supports of this bridge, I wait for it to collapse and drown me in its storm. But it doesn’t collapse, why I wonder.

I look deep into your eyes as you turn away, staring at the orange flicker of the fire you set ablaze. As the fire slowly turns blue I make no move to run after you. I hold no desire to be in your arms, I feel no love radiating from your heart but only pain from your mind.

I stand at one end of a bridge of destruction, staring at the bodies that lay ahead of me, the people behind me. Glass gleams on the floor, I am in no pain and yet pain is all I feel. The fire licks the edges of my body, I wait to be devoured.

I stand on end of the bridge, gazing at your empty figure, your elegant words choking me like a snake. Fire surges around me and people drag me away from you. I want to go back yet I have never wanted to run away more than I do now. I long for you, I hate you, I am addicted to you like a drug.

My fingertips stained with the blue of your touch, I drag them across the floor. What can I grab onto to not leave you behind? Yet there is nothing real on the bridge, only the rough ground of a forgotten time. The clock ticks, I can still see you at the end of the bridge, don’t leave yet my love I am coming for you.
At the edge of this bridge I am drowning in your blue, the Atlantic Ocean washes over me, my fire has burnt out. Let me breathe.

Hands tug me away from you, your eyes stare at me with pity. I look up into the sky filled with smoke, I extend my arm out to you, I open my mouth in forgiveness. Yet you let go, why am I not good enough for you?

At the end I am chained down by the sky, you offer me a cold smile and worthless apologies. I bleed away my pain. I no longer stand at one end of the bridge, you are no longer on the other. The stars are here tonight I pretend I am as well.

I chose you, I thought you had chosen me, you tear down our bridge I had built with my own hands. I fought for you though I feel you did not want me to. Am I the fool or are you? I feel you have tricked me, though maybe I tricked myself. You did not let me love you, sometimes I wonder if you wanted me to.

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