Je Te Pardonne

By Kea Yoshinaka, TIWP Student

I am going to let go of my hatred for you.
I am going to release the way you took hold of my mind so early
and slowly scrambled it into indecipherable pieces. 
I no longer despise you for changing the way you did
and the choices you made along the way that hurt me in the end.
I am going to let go of the lies you told when you were scared
or guilty
or angry.
I’m going to let go of the way you humiliate me time and time again
and when you promise that next time, you’ll think before you tell my secrets to any ear given
or that you’ll never again let your indecisiveness hurt the people you care about,
I’ll smile and hold you to it
rather than sit in quiet disbelief 
and let you act the same.
I am going to forgive you
even though every time you saw me drowning
you pushed me down harder
because it was easier than swimming me to the surface. 
I forgive you for making me cry every time I saw our reflection,
for being so hard on ourselves
and everyone around us.
There is too much complexity for me to hate you for so long.
The goodness in people has fallen to shades of gray.
I truly believed, for the longest time, that people were good or bad.
But I got so sick
and so tired 
of feeling guilty for who I had been.
I realized that what it is to be human 
is to love and to hate
to heal and to hurt
to learn how to live 
and let go,
and I will let go.
I forgive myself.

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