By Oriana, TIWP Student

“Be nobody’s darling, be an outcast.” — Alice Walker

Being “nobody’s darling” means choosing truth over approval.

From the time we’re young, we’re taught constantly, to be likable. To not aggravate the other person to attack. To smile politely and nod even when we disagree. To say we agree even though the only thing we want to do at that moment is turn around and never come back. To soften our opinions so no one feels uncomfortable. We learn that being praised feels nice, even when it’s for something we aren’t proud of, and that conflict feels dangerous so we stifle our thoughts and opinions quietly. But there is a quiet cost to being everyone’s favorite.

When you live to please people, you lose your identity. Your boundaries blur. You forget about what you truly want and who you are. You start measuring your worth by reactions—by nods, compliments, and positive reviews. You edit yourself constantly to become someone that’s fun to talk to, to be a better friend. And eventually, you don’t even know which parts of you are real and which parts were crafted to avoid conflict.

When you stop trying to be everyone’s darling, something powerful happens. You become clear. Your yes means yes. Your no means no. Your laughter isn’t strategic. Your kindness isn’t performative anymore. 
You will lose some people. The ones who only liked you when you were convenient. The ones who preferred you agreeable, quiet, easy. But you find yourself. And that’s not a sacrifice many people are willing to make.