Happy Thots

By Mina Talebi, TIWP Student

Before I met you
I had pretty much given up
On BFF’s
And friendship bracelets
And promises about how we’d never fight.
I’d been scarred so much,
This doesn’t feel right,
I’m almost there but just



And I read a book the other day
And this girl
She loved her friend so much
That she said
“I love you”
With all the intensity but none of the tempt
Of a lover.
And I started crying so hard
That I almost couldn’t breathe
Because I couldn’t imagine ever having someone like that.
I’m not that lucky.

But then why am sitting with you
Watching you gag on the beer we’re sharing
Because all we want to do
Is get drunk and forget.
Why at parties with all our friends
We still gravitate towards each other
Share those looks and try to hold in our laughter.
Why do we finish each other’s sentences and
Start each other’s smiles
Why do we sit on a sinking trundle bed an talk about our trauma
And our shame
And the things we hate about our bodies.
We point out with shaking fingers
Stretch marks,
And hair,
And bruises,
And scars,
And as I highlight every insecurity
The words feel like a different language
Because no one else wanted to talk about this with me
No one else waited.
No one listened.

And that night
After the party
That was less of a party and more of a school-get-together
My dad picked us up in my grandpa’s toyota
And it was 8:17pm and
He drove us to the mall
And we ran in
With our pirate costumes rippling with excitement
And we made it to Starbucks right before they closed
And the guys outside were looking
And I know they were looking at you.
But this was new to me.
As we walked out of that pop-up coffee shop,
Decaf frappuccinos in hand,
It’s 8:31
I didn’t care that they weren’t looking at me.
Because I was just looking at you.

And we’re speeding down the highway
The windows are so far down that I bet they’ve met Satan by now,
And Austin looks so fucking beautiful at night
And we’re watching the lights.
And Ed Sheeren
Out of all the people
Is playing on XM radio
And he’s saying
‘Your soul could never grow
It’s evergreen’
And fuck it I know it’s goddamn love song
This moment.
Not all the pinterest boards in the world could capture how free I feel with you.

And for the first time in what feels like years,
I don’t have to tell myself to think happy thoughts.

I already am.

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