I’m Sorry

By Emily, TIWP Student

I hate it when you yell at me.
I hate it that you yell at me when we both know I’m trying my best.
But apparently my best isn’t good enough for you.

I even went in and talked to her about what I could do to be better.
I studied so hard for so long.
I didn’t even go to that party on Saturday
because I knew you would’ve yelled at me if I went anyway.
Yet, you’re screaming at me because my results
didn’t reflect my process.
My grades still aren’t as high as you want them to be.

Well, you know what?
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that I don’t have straight A’s—or a 4.0 GPA, like him.
I’m sorry that I can’t produce beautiful art that you can hang on your walls,
like he does.
I’m sorry I’m not as fast of a swimmer as he is,
getting gold times at every OMPA,
and always getting awards from coaches.
I’m sorry that you can’t see that I’m “taking advantage of my resources,”
because I am, and you know that I am.
I’m sorry that I have flowers blooming in my head
instead of the concrete building blocks of knowledge that he does.
I’m sorry that you can’t see that I’m good enough
and I’m sorry that you can’t see that I know I’m good enough.

I’m sorry that I try to please others instead of myself,
to do everything for their benefit, not my own.
I’m sorry that I’m not a robot,
who comes home and starts their homework right away.
I’m sorry that I talk with the people I love
and engage in meaningful conversations, instead.

I’m sorry that I’m not always direct and not always certain
of what I want to say,
but am more aware of other people’s emotions
and trying not to break their little glass hearts into a million pieces
by accidentally saying the wrong thing.

I’m sorry that we live in a world where we have to be flawless.
But I’m not sorry that I’m imperfect.

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