By Neko Ikels, TIWP Student

I’ve bitten my tongue,
More times than I can count,
Held it,
Restraining myself from saying something,
The wrong thing.

I bite my tongue when I have nothing nice to say,
When my words feel like leaves that fall and blow away,
When I am in a room full of people who talk so much of themselves that scares narcissists into echoists,
When my voice is as inconvenient as a sidewalk crack,
When I am being told and not listened to,
When I could say as many words as there are fish in the sea and they would still not hear me,
When the voices rise and mine falls,
Quiet,
Too quiet for anyone to care,
When my words may hurt them,
So I bite my tongue and hold them in,
They manifest and grow to be little daggers in my throat,
Words that I cannot say to keep our friendship,
But words that will cut me open from the inside out,

I hold my tongue when I realize that my words have less meaning than a like on social media,
When my voice is made lesser than theirs, which grow louder not because their point is better but because they are afraid to become what I will,
A Renouncer,
Someone who is demeaned to a seat at the table,
A filled space,
A body with no voice,
No will to grow louder,
Someone who observes more than they get observed,

I will bite my tongue,
When I see the look on their face,
Hurt,
Guilt,
Sadness,
An emotion I will bring to myself so long as they won’t have to bear it.

I have bitten my tongue,
For years I swallow unheard words,
I have bitten my tongue when the argument grows to an insult fiasco, strayed for a friendly discussion,
When I am the smallest in the room,
When I am forgotten in the backseat,
When others words have hurt another enough for mine to be the final straw,
When “I don’t care”
When words are shoved in my mouth,
Like dirt filling a pot,
When I am spoken for,
When they think their story is better than my own,
When I feel so strongly,
Too strongly that I know my words will no longer be my words but my emotions,
My rage,
My sadness,
My hurt and betrayal,
When my words will be taken over by the feelings I have held in,
By my observations which call out the pin in the hair holding it all together,
When respect is lost and resentment is gained,
When logic has drifted away and a new boat of anger arrives,
When my feelings are too strong,
And my voice not important,
I bite my tongue,

I bite my tongue.