By Min JI, TIWP Women’s Program

I was always a good girl 
I followed the rules 
I got good grades
I was kind to others 
I caused no trouble 
I stayed quiet 
I stayed small 

It was the least I could do
To make my mother happy 
To make her sacrifices worthwhile 
The secret tears 
She thought she hid from me 
The bruise on her face
As she drove me to school

I saw them
I felt them 
I vowed to be 
A good girl
She could be proud of
Her reason for happiness 
Her reason for living 

Wild
Was a foreign concept 
A frightening place 
To be out of control 
Irresponsible
Inconsequential
Loud 
and Big
It was inconceivable to me 

Now in my 40s
I see the word 
So differently
So longingly

Now I long to be wild 
Like the wildflowers growing where they may
Like the wilderness and its changing leaves
Like the deep blue ocean and its crashing waves 

There are no apologies 
No judgements 
No consequence
Just acceptance 
And being

Now I long to be wild 
To not control things 
To not be responsible for all things 
To fail
To feel
To be big
To be free 

All I have to be 
Is me 

This whole time 
This is how my mother saw me
Wild me
This is why my mother loved me
Wild me 
True me 

All along 
She was with me 
And forever will be
In the crashing waves 
In the glowing sunset 
In the sweet scents of the forest 

My wild and loving 
Mother. Nature. 
Reminding me 
To always be 
Wildly me

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