By Ava Moga, TIWP Student

College apps,
AP classes,
And grueling study sessions

Extracurriculars, 
Sports, 
And volunteering

Saying goodbye to my friends,
Walking across a stage,
And being handed a diploma,
A piece of paper that tells me
I’m finally allowed to leave

Walking away from not only tears
Insecurity
And heartache

But also laughs
Gossipy gabbing
And hugs

Walking into 
A world 
Where I don’t know
my right from my left 

A world full of apprentices and experts 
None of whom know what they want to do 
But think they have it handled 

My biggest fear is not knowing
what’s going to happen next, 
What my first day will be like,
If I’ll start a conversation
Or make any friends.

And in that moment of thought,
I’m transferred back to all my other first days,
The days full of constant worry, 
And the absence of knowledge 

But they were also new
Whether it was a new face
Name 
Or thing 

I stand in the classroom,
The dorm, 
The office,
Telling myself I need to step forward
And thinking about all the other times
I decided to step back

Do I still want my mom holding my hand 
And taking baby steps with me? 
The short answer is yes
but

I’ve wanted this forever
And waited for these future first days 
Since I was five 

I stand here watching her right now 
Thinking about how she never felt ready
to step into the kindergarten classroom 
But did it anyway

She stressed 
And tears flew everywhere
But she did it 
And it worked out pretty well

I want this so badly, 
The new job, 
The new school, 
The new home

I know I’ll never be ready 
And nobody ever is 
But that’s the only way
life moves on.