By Audrey Lambert, TIWP Alumni

bite me down to the bone
i’m starved
canine’s shark-sharp
tear into raw flesh
i need my mouth to feel full
i need my stomach to feel full
i need to feel full.

fill me up
extinguish this empty fury
make it stop 
fill me up
i need to feel full.

there’s a bear in my stomach
she paces in her cage
she’s starved
fill her up
so she won’t come clawing 
up my throat
i need to feel full.

when she roars
it is the voice of my mother
that escapes me
and i can’t stand it
i need to feel full.

so i swallow 
too quick
and pray i don’t choke
but i need to cage her 
feed her
so she’ll stop tearing me apart 
i need to feel full.

sink down through the dirt
i’m searching
dig root-deep
into rain-damp soil
i need to feel the filth
beneath my fingernails
i need to feel something
i need to feel whole.
grip the grime
tight fisted
hoping what 
the roots reach for 
will make me feel whole.

i need to feel whole
so i search for my soul
in the sediment
slather it on my skin
so it soaks up the nutrients
i want what the worms are having
i need to feel whole.

sew me six feet
so i can sprout my way
up towards the sunlight
is this what the seeds are searching for?
i need to feel whole.

sun seeping through 
my eyelids like a new leaf
is this peace?
is this serenity?
what is all my fury 
in the face of a star?
i need to feel whole.

are you full yet,
mother bear?
are you whole yet,
sapling self?
i need to feel.

i am starved.
i am searching.
i will stuff myself
and i will find no satiation.
i will sprout sky high
and still miss the sun.

the point is to keep eating
keep reaching
‘til i’m half-way full
half-way whole
and i will find purpose
in all the empty space
left to fill up.