By Ruthie Stoll, TIWP Student

Everyone has a different definition of what it means to be a strong woman. Whether that means not relying on a man for certain tasks, or having the strength to speak up for themselves, it seems as though many definitions exist in the world of what a firm-standing woman looks like. 

To me, these are five traits I associate with being a strong woman, five traits that I try my best every day to embody, and traits that I admire in the strong women around me: being supportive, independent, vulnerable, confident and honest.

While honesty, vulnerability, independence, and confidence are all very important traits and things that I hold very close to my heart, the trait that has found special importance in my life over these past few years is the characteristic of being supportive. 

When I say supportive, I am mainly referring to how a woman treats other female-identifying individuals in her life. The phrase “girls support girls” has emerged on various social media platforms, and it’s something that really resonated with me, having dealt with many friendships in which I did not feel appreciated or supported by my female peers.

The term “girls support girls” can be confusing and has sparked many debates about how exactly it should be applied in today’s world. Does it mean supporting girls no matter what? So if a person murders someone and she’s a girl, you support her? To me, the phrase really just means not judging or putting another girl down just for being different, looking different, acting different, or having different values. It means that in a world in which women seem to have so many things against them, girls should band together as one and realize that they have more in common than not. It means that with so many “enemies” in the world, whether that be the patriarchy, oppressive laws, or belittling gender roles that swirl in today’s social sphere, we don’t need to make enemies out of each other. 

Being a high school girl, I see this phrase needing to be applied especially in the sphere of gossiping. Gossiping is inevitable—when something happens, people are going to talk about it. But for me, I have heard way too many conversations or gossip sessions in which one girl shames another girl or belittles her for something as trivial as an outfit she was wearing, or something she said in class. These overheard conversations don’t tend to focus on making an insightful, respectful comment on something a girl did, but rather attack the girl’s character, going for things as insignificant as her looks. 

So in this context, I want to stress that “girls support girls” doesn’t necessarily mean “girls excuse each other’s poor behavior just because they identify as the same gender.” It means that girls support girls to become better versions of themselves. When girl A does something girl B doesn’t agree with or wouldn’t do herself, girl B doesn’t shame that girl or belittle her, but rather gives her grace and does not pile on more hatred or judgment in a world that already puts women down enough. 

So, how does this connect to being a strong woman? I believe a woman that is strong and stable in who she is as a person does not feel the need to put others down. I think that being secure in yourself means that you don’t feel the need to lift yourself up by presenting another girl in a negative light. It means that you recognize the ways the world often wants to pit women against each other and you withstand that pressure. Something that I have observed is that much of this girl B gossiping about girl A scenario centers around jealousy; girl A has something girl B doesn’t, and girl B, therefore, gets insecure and feels the need to put girl A down for something stupid, rather than lift her up for the qualities and traits she possesses. A strong woman does not get jealous, because a strong woman is not insecure. A strong woman is content with what she has and her uniqueness, so she doesn’t feel the need to drain another girl’s bucket to fill hers. 

So while the phrase “girls support girls” can be interpreted in many ways, I believe it serves as an important guideline for how a strong woman conducts herself, and a symbol of the power girls banding together can have in today’s world.