Girls Like Her

By Sarah Inouye, Intuitive Writing Project student

 

So here’s the thing.  Here is the thing about people:  we want control, each and

everyone of us. It’s vital to us.  Some people are as desperate for it as they are

for air. Some people can live their entire lives with very little and still be happy.

But you need some of it at one point or another.  Well, she didn’t have control.

None. When the lack of something like that starts to become apparent, you will

become starving for it and terrible things happen.

 

She had always been trapped in the wastelands of her own mind. The girl had a

rounder frame. Plumper. She was “the fat girl” and people let her know. But she

never fought back. She shook it off. Her body was no one else’s concern. It didn’t

matter. Or at least it shouldn’t have mattered. But to someone like her, who had

to deal with all the crap others thought was funny… well it did matter. She kept

telling herself it didn’t but when you never fight back, when you never say what

you want to say… it finds a way out eventually.

 

The fat joke. She was so tired. It was said by some boy that should have been

irrelevant. But he wasn’t. He hurt her. She did not speak but she did get out a

pen and she took it to the seat in the back of the bus while no one was watching

and she wrote out the entire contents of her mind. And damn did it feel good, the

“fat” that was attached to her bones was shaved off with the “fat” that was living

malevolently in her mind was erased.

 

But someone saw. They saw what she had written. It was filthy. It was bad

enough for them to check tapes for who did it. It was filled with poison not only for

other people but for herself, words that middle schoolers should not know were

on the seat and written in the center of all the chaos, in bright red was the word:

FAT. The word that had made her that way. How you can turn a sweet girl who

has done nothing wrong in her life into a revengeful, malicious tyrant? You pull

her apart. You call her “fat” as if that’s the worst thing in the world. But worst of

all, you don’t let her fight back. Girls like her who are forced into silence are

always screaming the loudest.

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